are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
