VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
