next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
