I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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