How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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