just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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