even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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