I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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