i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
