my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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