I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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