Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
