so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
