Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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