she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
