Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
