By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
