so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
