Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
