love makes seman taste better
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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