Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
