Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
