Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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