after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
