Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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