Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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