You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
