Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
