i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
