Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
