I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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