You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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