I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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