It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
