I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
