That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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