Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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