Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
