I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize