I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
