It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
