cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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