Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
