Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
