we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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