My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is wine microwaveable?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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