The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
