we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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