They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
