thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
