dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
