do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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