my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
