she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
