I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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