you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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