All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
