im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
