Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
