You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.