those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone