i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
