omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
