when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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