booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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