After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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