Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
