dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
