Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
