okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
