I just made out with a guy for $7.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
