Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
