watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
