i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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