I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have aggressive nipples.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
