So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i think i just lost a toe
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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