i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
