On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
